How to Rewrite a Limiting Belief to Build Self-Confidence & Leave Your Insecurities Behind
Updated: Nov 20, 2020
Let’s start with answering two questions:
What is a limiting belief?
How do they manifest in our reality?
First, a limiting belief is a belief we carry that regarding ourselves based around ‘not being’ something or ‘not being able to’ do something that we desire to be or do. In other words, limiting beliefs constrain us in some way or another. This leads to us not thriving, dreaming, or believing what we want in life and who we are. Limiting beliefs are sort of the weeds of your subconscious mind garden.
They are not your beliefs.
This is a very important understanding.
Like I said, your subconscious mind is a garden full of flowers, trees, beautiful vines and foliage, limiting beliefs are alien weeds. And your garden doesn’t deserve weeds.
Limiting beliefs are others people’s beliefs either about ourselves or how the world works around us that we have accepted as truth. For example, “I am always struggling with my financial situation.”
This is a limiting belief because limiting beliefs are constraining, remember?
They are limiting.
They are negative thoughts based on scarcity, insecurity or fear.
They are false.
Second, how do they manifest in your reality? Well, I sort of just showed you. They are negative beliefs either about who we are or what we are capable of achieving and obtaining that we carry around our entire life and they affect our ability to dream, shine, and thrive!
They are weeds picked up from our parents, friends, media, news, etc. and they plant themselves deep into our subconscious. The subconscious mind is an incredible thing. It stores EVERYTHING until we consciously release it.
For example, in third grade when that bully called you fat and now you believe 20 years later that your only value is based on your appearance and that the only way someone will ever love and accept you is if you are thin… yeah, this shit is real and those weeds are deep.
What we fail to realize is the following:
The weed exists
Where it came from
How we must pull it
And what to put in its place
But, lucky for you gorgeous souls, I’m here to do just that.
Now that you understand a little bit more about what a limiting belief is and how they show their ugly heads in our everyday lives you can now begin to work with your own.
What is a limiting belief you have about yourself?
My example would be that, “My value lies only in my outer appearance and achievements.” In other words, I used to believe that I was only valuable if I ‘looked’ it. I was only valuable if I was beautiful, successful, and people would only like me if I achieved great things!
Where did this value come from?
This can be the hardest question of this whole garden healing experience because so often we know the answer, but guilt and possibly empathy towards the person or event that this belief came from tends to set in. We don’t want to ‘throw someone under the bus’ or admit aloud who may have hurt our self-esteem as a child or young adult.
But, we have to.
You must recognize the weed for what it is, someone else’s belief/opinion of you or the world that is not your own.
Mine came from losing weight as a child. When I was younger, probably like 5th-6th grade, I was heavier than most girls my age. I was super muscular, played a lot of sports and I was never the girl who boys had a crush on. Enter 7th grade me. I lost some weight naturally! I began to simply eat better, grow, and fill out somewhat aka puberty and boys and even other girls began to give me attention. I loved it.
I began to only find validation in other people. Boys noticed me the more weight I lost. I was attractive. I was an overachiever. I was beautiful and I was so accomplished. I was successful, remember losing weight for me was a game of control and accomplishment. I was accomplishing my goal of becoming attractive for other people. Being the best meant being my smallest.
Now, I want to pause here for a second and acknowledge the fact that it has taken me my entire life to make these self-realizations. It can and will take a long time for you to do this properly, however, do it.
Do the work. Sit with yourself and be truly honest. What is a belief that you carry that you want to get rid of and who placed it there? The boys in my school or my friends were not bad people AT ALL! However, subconsciously they planted the seed that attractiveness, being thin, and achievements were what I was liked for through their responses at the time. Another thing I want to acknowledge is that limiting beliefs are usually also slightly assumptions made my ourselves.
For example, did any of the boys tell me the reason they began to like me was because I had lost weight? No! And this is important. I assumed that was why. Did some of them only like me because of it? Of course! But, did all of them? And did that mean that the only way a male would ever like me again was to be stick thin and lose a lot of weight? No, it did not. I assumed it to be the universal case.
So, my limiting belief came from this assumption I had made based on a belief from others that I accepted as truth.
When you accept any belief as truth, it gets planted in your subconscious mind. There it is determined to be a flower (a supportive, beautiful, TRUE belief that you possess about yourself) or an alien weed that does not serve you, but rather looks to solely hold you back; to constrain your truth. But, this process is a long staircase to climb.
So, my weed was planted: I was only valuable if I was thin and successful.
Was this a good belief for me to have?
Was this my own truth or my own belief?
Was this a self-supporting belief?
Did this belief do me any good?
The answer to all of these questions is no and that’s exactly what a limiting belief is: garbage.
Now, ask yourself, “Do I want to keep this belief?” Because amazingly enough, it’s your garden! You are the one watering, planting, sowing, and allowing the weeds to stay where they are.
I don’t like weeds. I don’t want them in my garden.
To remove a limiting belief, you must recognize it, acknowledge its roots, how far deep do they go, when did it begin to grow, from where did this alien species come from? Then, once you understand it and have made peace with its origin. You pull it. You feel no guilt towards it, no anger surrounding the weed, you have forgiven it for taking seed there because guess what, you are the one who welcomed it in.
You pull it and you toss it out, but our subconscious minds also work based on stories, beliefs, and space. They are very spacial entities. You must replace it.
To pull a weed won’t do a lick of good, if the whole in the soil is still open ready for a new weed to take root. Nope! You have to plant a flower.
Replace the weed you just tossed out with your truth.
“My value lies within myself. People value me for my heart, mind, and soul and most importantly, I value me for my soul and not my outer shell.”
Water that, shit.
Continuously tell yourself the sentence you wrote above. Continuously water the sentence you replaced the limiting belief with. Continuously protect the flower that replaced the weed and overtime, flowers grow roots.
Your new belief will take root where it belongs.
Your new belief is your truth. Why? Because your truth is limitless. Any belief you have based on negativity, insecurity, fear, scarcity, self-deprecation or self-hatred is not yours because they aren’t true.
I repeat, why?
Because you are your value. You are your purpose. You are your beauty. You are your success. You are your flowers and you are not a weed, therefore, they do not belong in that gorgeous head of yours.
Stop allowing people, places, things, ideals, limiting beliefs, media, society and bullshit to infiltrate your garden.
Because that’s the biggest secret of it all. You showed the weeds the way in, which means you can show them the way out.
This is how you truly rewrite your story. You leave your old self behind and step into your highest, true self: the true you with beliefs that support only that; the true you shining, growing, and flourishing like a freshly rooted flower.
Check out another amazing article by Mike Bundrant at iNLP Center on Confidence and Self-Certainty here >> https://inlpcenter.org/self-confidence/