• Emily Formea

No One Cares

I walked into the coffee shop and saw my friend had already gotten a table for us. I put my purse down, went to order my favorite cup of coffee, and sat across from her with a big smile on my face. I was so excited to see her and was so excited to catch up on our exciting lives, updates, jobs, etc. We had not seen each other in over a month and a lot had happened in our young lives in 30 days! She began by catching me up on her new boyfriend and his job opportunities… then I zoned out. Why were my thighs so big? I hated how they touched one another. I hated how big they looked in my jeans! They were huge! I crossed my legs… no that wasn’t any better. Now my stomach looked puffy because my jeans were cutting into my lower stomach. I uncrossed my legs. Maybe if I turn sideways in my seat. That will make my legs look slimmer. That kind of worked. But, what about my back. I feel so self-conscious about my back and my arms. Do they look huge from this angle? I squirmed around in my chair. I tried this angle of my body and I felt insecure. Then I tried that angle of my body and still felt uncomfortable and out of place in my own skin. I hope no one is thinking how ugly I look. I hope no one is noticing my thunder thighs. What does my friend think I look like? Oh my gosh, my friend!

I re-entered the conversation and sadly realized I had missed the entire coffee date. The entire coffee date I was chatting, laughing, pretending to listen, pretending to be engaged and happy, but I was so miserable. I was trapped in my own mind. I couldn’t focus on my friend and her life and her stories and her adventures because of my thighs…? I didn’t enjoy that special time we had only once a month because I was thinking about what my arms looked like in my shirt? I pretended to care and clouded my time with my friend because of my own thoughts and my own insecurities.

How sad.

How absolutely sad. How can I live life being concerned about what people are thinking about me? Why not worry about what I think of myself and have it be a positive thing. I went to have coffee with my friend and I left being bullied by myself and missing out on that moment of life. I drank coffee and didn’t even taste it. I laughed at jokes I did not even really listen to. I smiled and responded without being grateful for this special time with my friend because I was concerned about my legs in my jeans.

I refuse to continue living my life this way and so should you!

So many of us do not live at all in the present moment. We do not enjoy our life, our friends, food, and family because we are so wrapped up in judging ourselves, worrying about how others view ourselves, etc. When in reality, no one cares. We are all so concerned about our own appearance, our own lives, me, me, me that no one cares. No one was judging me that day. I was judging me the entire time. No one thought I looked fat, or that my arms were too big, no one thought I was fat or ugly or stupid. No one cares! Everyone bullies themselves and knit picks themselves when in reality if we stop, the insecurities vanish! When we realize that we are the worst critics we can enjoy a cup of coffee.

If I had arrived at the coffee shop, put my bag down, ordered my favorite cup of coffee, sat down across from my good friend, and truly smiled with a quiet mind…what a beautiful coffee date that would have been! How incredible would it have been to laugh, cry, smile, joke, support, and connect with my friend for the hour I was present. To be present for the entire hour. I didn’t think of my legs, back, smile, or hair because those things don’t matter. I was wholly present; I was wholly happy; I enjoyed the moment just as it was and I silenced my inner thoughts that told me I didn’t deserve to enjoy this moment.

My thighs don’t matter. Your thighs don't matter.

My friends, the time I truly am present with them, the times I connect with people, the times I connect with myself, enjoying coffee, bread, music, and dancing matters.

My happiness matters and no one cares about your thighs, so stop fidgeting in your chair. Focus on the here and now because trust me no one cares except you and you should not care at all.



Sincerely, XO Emily || 2020

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