The Biggest Mistake of Perfectionists
Math is hard.
Trust me when I say, I’ve always SUCKED at math! It’s been my worst subject since probably the seventh grade closely followed with science.
However, if eighth-grade level math taught me one thing it’s this, “The equation has to always be equal.”
The equal sign means equal and equal means balanced.
It sounds simple to me.
So, how can I use this to show you the biggest problem of a perfectionist from a perfectionist? Well, allow me to dive into our math class today! If what you seek is confidence (A), body acceptance (B), and less anxiety (C ) because you’re unhappy with the way you feel about yourself right now, you have to balance the equation.
A + B + C = D
D is your end goal. D is confidence, body acceptance, and less anxiety altogether. The law of math clearly states that D is the result of adding A, B, and C together! (Don’t ask a math professor just trust me)
What we tend to do is believe that instead of solving this equation just as it is, in other words, solving and manipulating A, B, and C to ultimately bring us D, we ignore this equation and make our own…
A + B + C + X + Y + Z = D
Looks sort of unbalanced to me;)
X, Y, and Z could be things like losing weight, making more money, dying our hair, working out eight hours a day, getting a more glamorous job, dating a hot guy, slabbing makeup on our face, etc.
They’re distractions we throw into our equation rather than solving the original addition problem.
Instead of solving for A, B, or C to figure out what is missing, what do we need to work through, find support for, heal from to solve for these three variables to make our problem add up to D, we just add some more variables that truly throw our equation out of whack.
Think about how many times we don’t like what we look like in the mirror, so we join a gym, cut our calories in half, and every single day we stare in the mirror critiquing our body, whispering terrible things to ourselves about how we look, judging our own efforts in the gym, etc.
Instead of fixing our relationship with our body HERE and appreciating it NOW, we think one day when we look like X then we will love our bodies so much! False.
Because your insecurities in your body is simply a projection of your insecurity with yourself.
Any insecurity you have whether it be in your looks, finances, job, relationships, accomplishments, popularity, whatever you feel insecure about is simply a projection of you feeling insecure about YOU.
About who you actually are, about what you actually are.
I used to feel so insecure in how I looked. So, I went on diets. Actually I developed a full-fledge eating disorder and lost a lot of weight. I was skinny. I was pretty. I was supposed to be happy.
I was never more insecure and unsatisfied with my appearance than when I was at my very smallest.
Because every time I gave my projection the attention rather than the root issue, I ignored that girl more and more.
And no one likes to be ignored.
Especially not by people important to us.
Especially not for years on end.
Especially not in very harmful and drastic ways.
Are you doing that to yourself?
Are you trying to fix the outside before the inside?
Are you unbalancing your equation and instead of solving the root causes you are simply sprinkling in more projections?
There is a reason, unfortunately, that models are the most insecure females, the millionaires are always the ones visiting Buddhist monks to find happiness, that celebrities commit suicide so young… happiness does not live outside of you.
Happiness comes from within.
Projections live outside of you.
And they unbalance our equation.
Math wins every time.
You will never total (D) by not solving the proper equation.
It won’t work.
Here is another example for you, no matter how amazing a skyscraper looks, if the foundation is rocky it ain’t gonna be standing for long.
And that is the real tea *or coffee* sis;)
No matter how much money the company spends on windows, trimmings, technology, maybe a nice fancy schmancy soda machine in the lobby, it looks amazing, but wait till it crumbles.
You cannot solve your foundational issues with soda machines.
Work through the real variables that are making you unhappy.
You don’t like your body and you want to change it.
Where is the intention behind you wanting to change your weight? I can almost guarantee that it’s not coming from “I love myself so much, therefore, I want to fuel my body with the best wholefoods and workout more to really celebrate my goddess of a shell.”
That’s what it actually should be! What I can almost guarantee the answer is something along these lines, “I hate the way that I look. No one will love me for my fat stomach. I look so ugly. I don’t look like the models. I’m gross.”
Super encouraging there, Em.
But, it’s true! So you go out wanting to accomplish goals with the rockiest foundation ever! You are trying to build this skyscraper on uneven pavement, with the lowest cost in town, half your team went home sick before the project even began, oh and it’s raining for sure!
So, it doesn’t matter what you build, what you achieve, who you date, or what you put in the bank because the momentary happiness, the momentary high you may feel from making outer upgrades will all come crashing down.
The foundation won’t hold.
Those things won’t balance your equation.
Shiny windows don’t fix uneven cement.
Get to the root cause of your insecurities. Do the work. Journal, meditate, cry like a lot! Slip up and try again. Learn from absolutely everything that you do and are. Read books. Listen to podcasts. Commit to yourself before your commitments. Maybe try to invest in you. Love where you are here and it can start right now. This isn’t mumbo jumbo, this is a real mindset shift and it will take you far!
What is one thing you love about yourself COMPLETELY right here and now?
Now, let’s build off that for our foundation.