• Emily Formea

The Ultimate Tip to Self-Improvement: Raise Your Standards

The thing with who you are now is that your identity is completely based off the stories you tell yourself about yourself.

  • I can’t ask for a raise at work because I don’t feel I’m worth that much money.

  • I would never ask that hot guy on a date because guys don’t date girls who look like me

  • I can’t be an entrepreneur because I constantly fail at my projects and goals

And the list goes on and on

Now, the problem we have to first tackle is this: most of your stories are completely subconscious.

In fact, I bet you have no idea that you’re the only thing limiting you, limiting your expectations you have for yourself, and, ultimately, limiting your life.

You are the ultimate limiting factor.

If you believe that you don’t deserve to be loved, you will never have a solid relationship. If you believe you don’t deserve to make a lot of money, you probably won’t ever be financially free. And if you don’t believe that you deserve to leave an unserving identity behind whether that be a past filled with anxiety, depression, or in my case, an eating disorder…. You’ll hold onto that shell until the day you die.

Your life is a direct reflection of your own personal beliefs.

About you.

Your life is a direct reflection of the insecurities, limitations, and impossibilities you tell yourself.

One of my favorite quotes is this:

“How you treat yourself is the most powerful example for how others will treat you.”

In other words, if you treat yourself poorly, if you constantly beat yourself up, bully yourself, hold onto fears, doubts, and failures like a kid in a candy store then most likely, people around you, including the good ‘ol Universe itself, will mirror this vibration… and treat you the exact same way.

Ever wonder why people with very low self-esteem, unfortunately, usually end up in toxic relationships? Ever pondered why people with confidence issues are somehow always surrounded by people who beat them and their bodies up on the daily? Ever thought about how people with self-worth issues tend to be people pleasers and usually end up dating the person who needs their undying care and attention 24/7?

Because you are constantly training the world through your own example of how it/they should treat you.

I struggled with an eating disorder for years and a huge component of my eating disorder was being a perfection and people-pleaser. I was ALWAYS the one trying to keep everyone happy. I would bend over backwards for others, never stand up for myself, completely allow people to dictate how I felt about myself and my actions.

In other words, I was a pushover.

Because I believed the story I told myself.

“Emily, people like you because of what you can do for them. You are only valuable if you can help others, make others happy, etc. Your worth lies in the approval of others.”

What a heavy load to carry.

Do I like making others happy? OF COURSE! Do I adore helping people? Absolutely! However, what I no longer tolerate is people taking advantage of me. But even deeper than that, I don’t allow myself to take advantage of me either.

I gained self-respect and the understanding that life is about energy exchanges. I no longer chase people who don’t ever think to give me the time of day. I don’t spend endless nights trying to solve people’s problems who only want me around to do just that.

I expend my energy equally to people, places and things that give me the love, support, care, and.. you guessed it… energy right back, baby!

I had to raise my own standards.

I had to let go of the old story that I believed I was only good enough for.

I had to rewrite the way I viewed myself. Create a new relationship with myself. One consisting of self-love, support and respect.

I raised my standard of worthiness. I now believe that my self-worth lies just there: within my self. And no one can alter or take it away from me.

My self-worth lies in what makes me happy, what sets my soul on fire, and I no longer have to chase that old identity of being the happy elf that made everyone’s dreams come true!

Because that identity had me at a very low standard.

The belief I carried that the only way that I mattered was if I pleased people had me basically placing myself on the bottom of the totem pole.

Where I do not belong and neither do you! I had to raise my standard of what I believed myself to me, what I deserved, and how I desired to be treated.

I had to climb that dang totem pole! And the climb is the hardest part because we become extremely comfortable in our old tortoise shell surrounding with complacency and low standards of our incredibleness and abundance! You know the hardest thing to tell someone? You are selling yourself short.

And you are;)

I was and I still am! It’s something I’ve been working on tirelessly these last few months and something I want to encourage you to do the same!

Because until you raise your own standards, until you rewrite your own value, worth, and confidence, you will continue to be treated poorly by others and the world because having low standards for yourself shows the world that it’s alright to do the same.

  • Ask for that raise.

  • Take that fancy lady to dinner.

  • Believe that you deserve and desire more and you are going to get it regardless of the millionth time that voice in your head tells you it’s impossible for someone like yourself.

It’s selfish to keep your standards low because with low standards you are dimming your light.

And you can make this change right now.

Choose one thing that your old self would NEVER do. Something that challenges the belief you carry about yourself! For example, if you are always the people pleaser (just like mwah!) maybe say ‘no.’ Seriously! Next time someone asks you for help or to take on another project or to listen to them vent for three hours with no breaths in-between sentences, say ‘no.’

And then sit in the discomfort of you challenging your old standard of who you are and who you have to always be: the people pleaser.

You just took one MAJOR action to change that. You are not going to always be the peacekeeper, pushover because that is unfair to your mental health and well-being always taking care of others before ever taking care of yourself.

And then… continue to do that. Continue to challenge your own status quo. The more uncomfortable you feel, the better. Because the more you are rewiring and rewriting your standard of how you now treat and view yourself, which forces others and the world to follow suit.

Raise your standards and hold yourself to the highest level of self-respect, expectation and self-improvement and you will be amazed at what you find at the top of the totem pole.

You may just find yourself, the true you, who has been waiting patiently for you to leave the old shell behind.

Because climbing the ladder of self-improvement and development is hard enough on its own, however, trying to do it while carrying the weight of your old, unserving tortoise shell, well that’s downright impossible.

Sincerely, XO Emily

Sincerely, XO Emily || 2020

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