We Should Care Less... Way Less
What am I going to wear today? Well, what makes me look the thinnest, prettiest, most put together? What is going to make others respect me more and notice me as I walk by?
What am I going to eat today?
Well, probably a salad because I don’t want people to think I eat carbs or am not on a diet or am a pig if I have a bag of chips in the afternoon!
What am I going to say today? Well, probably what everyone wants to hear! I’m going to gossip with the office. I’m going to never EVER speak of this amazing new Podcast I found all about the law of attraction. I’m going to chat about which boys are cute and, “Oh my gosh! Did you see….?”
What am I going to work on?
Well, what my boss tells me I should be doing! Nothing more and nothing less. I wouldn’t dare try to innovate, create, change, or bring about new ideas that could better our processes or speed up our results.
What am I going to post on my social media? Well, what do people think is cool? What do people think is successful and beautiful? What will people like, comment, and share on the most? What will people not judge me for? What will people envy me for?
What am I going to think of right before my head hits the pillow?
“What do people think of me?”
Did you notice a trend there? We never do what we want. We never look how we want. We never speak the way we want. We never dream the way we dream or create the way we want to create.
We never, EVER do what we want to do.
This problem is three-fold:
We believe that other people’s opinions about ourselves matter more than our own
We believe our own opinion if carried out would be us living a selfish and vain life
We think that people actually have opinions about us.
The first two problems are very easy to wrap our heads around. We believe that our value lies in the eyes not our own. So, we make decisions not on what feels good, but on what feels NEEDED.
We live in a desperate mentality.
We need to act cool.
We need to be liked.
We need to be loved.
But, not by ourselves. By every single other person under the Sun. It comes from a desire to be included in the pact. So, it’s not totally insane or made up! Humans have always wanted to feel accepted because that meant protection and survival! You know the number one person, however, who can and should protect you: you.
The second part of this layer also makes a lot of sense! We have neglected the person we are, with the passions we desire, and the dreams that keep us up at night because we don’t look like success. We don’t own success. We don’t live success, beautiful, sparkly lives.
Once again, whose life is that? Certainly not mine! I HATE wearing lots of makeup. I don’t feel beautiful doing it. I don’t like wasting my energy, time, and money on it. So… I don’t do it. Because I never accepted the belief that that was beauty. BINGO! To me, that’s not my beauty. My beauty is me without makeup. Therefore, beauty to me is “when people do what they feel beautiful doing.”
If you like wearing a lot of makeup then you are beautiful.
If you cover yourself in makeup to TRY to be beautiful… you won’t feel it.
Our reality is a story, a script, a mantra. It’s OUR OWN! So, if you constantly reiterate lies that you know not to be true for yourself, if I constantly caked my face in makeup that I didn’t want to be wearing, the result would be I still don’t feel beautiful.
Because it’s not my story. It’s not my script. It’s not me.
Write down what makes you TRULY feel beautiful, valued, fearless, inspired. Do these things align with how you are living your life? Do these traits align with your actions? Does your story and your reality align?
If it doesn’t, and I know mine certainly did not, then make the change. Begin caring more about what you think of yourself than what others do and trust me, you’ll be surprised, most people like people who are truly their authentic selves way more than people who are lost in a scenery that is not their own.
Because when you fully like yourself, the world can only like you back.
The third level of this is a bit harder to really conceptualize and put into practice, but I also believe it is the most important.
No one cares.
Or at least no one cares as much as we think they do.
Think about yourself! I used to spend HOURS a day stressing, fretting, worrying, and fearing what other people would think about me! On the subway, I was worried that people thought my outfit looked stupid. At work, I thought that people didn’t think I was smart. On dates, I worried that the other person thought I looked fat or laughed too loudly.
I HAD NO TIME TO JUDGE THEM! I WAS WAY TOO BUSY JUDGING MYSELF! And it works both ways!
“We would care less about what other people thought about us if we realized how seldom they do.”
I was way too busy critiquing myself to ever bat a judgmental eye at someone else! Which means that the other person was doing the exact same thing! What a shame! We live our lives so concerned about what others think about us when they really don’t even think about us! Let that sink in.
Who would you be if you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that no one thinks about you?
What would you do?
What would you wear or where would you go? What would you achieve or chase or create or buy?
Would you care a lot more about what you thought about yourself if you finally realized that you are the only one that does?
I’m here to tell you: You are.
And that is the most amazing realization. You are the only one who judges you, so you are the only one who can change it. And you are the only one who can guarantee living out your own story line. Because you’re the only one that knows it.
Make yourself once and for all care about you.